Does Your Ego Like To Spank Itself?
But once in a blue moon I find myself running around in the dangerous neighborhood of my mind. Alone. Playing the same old boo hoo me soundtrack – that frankly has been played on repeat so long it is familiar. And familiarity, even when it breeds contempt, feels like home.
So, when my ego is trying to spank me into shape here are a few tricks I do to put the dame back in her place.
Sound track #1: “too much” girl… too fast, too fat, too loud, too bold, too blah blah blah
Being too much anything is a trigger I’ve put someone else in charge of who I am supposed to be. So, now when I get that sickening, shameful feeling there is something completely wrong with me because I didn’t live up to someone else’s version of who I ought to be – I use that feeling as a SIGN and bless it as the door to my subconscious beliefs and because now I’VE GOT THE KEY TO SOFTENING THE SPANK.
I put myself back in charge by asking:
In this situation.
Who do I want to be?
How do I want to behave?
How do I want to feel?
Because at the end of the day. Choosing how I feel about me is the path to becoming everything I was made to be.
Sound Track #2: I’m gonna fuck up my kids.
Of course they will need therapy. Because God Bless therapy. May we all be graced with a therapist’s ear.
But I mean at a deeper level. I fret that I haven’t fed them the right nutrition to unlock their potential, I haven’t instilled enough grit to be resilient in this beautiful and brutal world. When push comes to shove they won't use their tools to turn inward and will get swept into the quicksand of teen media or our manic material world. And then I run stats. Which is never a good sign.
It takes my breath away and I can feel my white knuckle grip on trying to control their destiny and I remember oh yeah… it’ their destiny, their dreams, their lives, their Souls’ contract with the Universe. They came through me but do not belong to me. And when I’m controlling all the ins and outs of their world I’m not living mine. And I return to…
Who do I want to be as a parent? How do I want to behave as a parent? How do I want to feel about the job I’ve done?
And my answer is: a mama who knows how to Feel This Moment, models I love Me, and remembers that I ain’t no hollaback girl to an ego when she's spankin' out lies.
And I start feel a little better, and relax a little more and remember my life is happening FOR me and the kids are gonna be alright. And me, I'm still unfolding into who I want to be. And I'm ok with that - cause I've got a kick ass sound track for the ride.
Tell Me - What is your soundtrack? Who do you want to be?
Cause Darlin, only you are in charge of your feel good destiny and in my heart of hearts, my wish for you is that we all learn how to have the Time Of Our Lives.